Day 14 - someone you’ve drifted away from
To: Fucking fat ass loser lump of lard
Subject: I never knew someone could be ugly both inside and out
Dear waste-of-space/piece-of-shit/capital-D-for-Deluded-pasted-on-your-forehead,
Finally 2012 is here and I am so glad I have kickstarted this promising year without your stinking presence.
People always write about how they are upset when they drift apart from old friends and how we should all reconnect old ties, yada yada. Well some others drift for a reason and I am mighty glad we did. I hope I never see your atrocious face ever again. If you still read my blog, it would be better if you had the sense/decency to kill yourself after reading this blog post.
See the thing is - NOBODY GIVES A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK. Why? you either have no opinions or the waste that goes through your haphazardly insane mind makes zero sense at all. YOU ARE MORE DELUDED THAN THE MOST DRUG-INDUCED, UNWASHED, UNSHAVEN, TREE-HUGGING HIPPIE IN THE BREAKING DOWN CARAVAN. YOU ARE SO DELUDED. TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR PIGFACE. your shirt buttons are so tight they are about to burst from the seams. your thoughts and opinions are so hateful they reek of a personality so insecure, damaged, psychotic, tyrannical, bottom line = FUCKING INSANE. your friends? non-existent. hobbies? negligent, none thereof in fact. what do you live for? to impose your hatred and grudge on this world? to wait for people to serve you at your pudgy beck and call? to earn the non-existent fame and recognition you will never achieve?
want to know why? YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU STAND. look bastard, i was nice enough to be your friend for awhile and try to cheer you up and bring you out of the dumps. here is the biggest lesson i have learnt out of life. THERE ARE JUST SOME PEOPLE WITH NO LOVE IN THEM AT ALL, GIVE UP ON THEM. you have no zeal or passion to trudge on with what you believe in. you interpret every little action as bigger than it seems because you’ve never had someone pay attention to what you were spewing. and thank god for that, because if they did, more people would be feeling miserable and doubtful about themselves than just plain old me. you are a twisted old scrooge with little hope of ever finding real meaning in life unless you snap out of your delusion that you are too smart, too good and too noble for the rest of this earth.
you’re not. in fact, you’re lousier. you’re meaner, you’re lonelier, you’re in so many ways uglier than the norm and you don’t want to make yourself better. you’re waiting for someone to drop some loose change just cos they owe you one? forget it pal. unless you change yourself and make people actually enjoy your presence, you can forget about ever belonging. and people won’t even pay you any mind, irregardless of your suffering.
want to know why i wrote this? not even because i care about how you are doing, BUT BECAUSE YOU HAVE BROUGHT ME TO A NEW LOW. you have called me so much shit, said all that false crazy deluded theories to my best friend (who also think you are just a joke, scum of the earth in fact. why would you try to lie to her who knows me best? idiot.), did so much nasty loathing things you’ve tried to justify that i have officially lost almost all faith in humankind. for a period of time i started acting like you, being all skeptical and randomly angry for no real reason, aimless, lazy, sleep-deprived and STUPID. i am back on medication so that i wont go back to that stage, but i have still lost a lot of faith and drive. so you have succeeded. you might hate to admit it, but you wanted this. YOU WANTED SOMEONE TO FEEL AS LOWLY AS YOU DO. YOU WANTED SOMEONE TO SUFFER ALL THE MISERY THAT YOU HAVE JUST BECAUSE YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PATHETIC LOSER.
YEAH YOU ARE. DO NOT FOR A MINUTE EVER THINK YOU ARE NOT. you are. unless you do something about it, you will always be. you have no inkling of how pathetic you are cos no one wants to tell you the harsh truth - well here it is. you suck. people feel sorry for you. pity you. but. no one. wants to. HELP YOU.
do not ever contact me again, and i hope you know how much of a failure you are. if you ever do redeem yourself, good for you, but honestly, no one will be there to congratulate you.
p.s. you stink. as in you have like really bad body odour. i think you put too much cologne and when you sweat it smells like a fucking fermented pigsty just blasted a rotten egg or something. everytime you think im digging my nose im actually trying to pinch my nostrils so that i can block out the stinkwaves from your extremely bloated body. by the way, you really are ugly. it’s true. no one checks you out. i mean, you can think whatever the hell you want, but the sad truth is that you are actually - UGLIER than the average. and the average is already such a disgrace so…
never ever contact me again. to the general public, if negative vibes are attacking your positive hemisphere, GET RID OF THEM. DO NOT STAND FOR IT! DO NOT FEEL SYMPATHY! PURPOSEFUL ABANDONMENT IS THE ONLY ROUTE SOMETIMES. WE ALL DONT WANT TO BE THE “BAD GUY”, BUT WHEN THE SHIT HITS THE FAN AND YOU ARE GETTING HURT, LISTEN TO THE PEOPLE WHO CARE FOR YOU AND CUT OFF ALL TIES WITH THOSE WHO ARE PRETTY MUCH HOPELESS. THE HARSH TRUTH IS THAT SOME PEOPLE ARE JUST SPENT, YOUR ONLY OPTION IS TO GIVE UP ON THEM.
p.p.s. oh yeah in case you thought my previous post about matrimony was about you, or if you ever crazily strayed to the thought that i might have ever had romantic notions about you, PLEASE SLAP YOURSELF TWICE. BETTER YET, GO HANG YOURSELF BY THE BATHROOM IF THE ROPE CAN TAKE YOUR WEIGHT. you know what, think what you like, but do not ever. EVER. insult my judgement or personal taste. you are so wrong. you might think im writing this because “oh-she’s-still-so-in-love-with-me-she-wants-to-dedicate-a-whole-post-to-me”, you know what loser, you disgust me. the words are all written here black and white, i hope you are clear about where you stand, i hope you are fully aware that you are the worst thing that has ever crossed my path. for the record, once more, I NEVER KNEW SOMEONE COULD BE THIS UGLY BOTH INSIDE AND OUT. if you are still mightily deluded, which i think you are, try to go get a fucking life. better yet, end it.
Time for Mendelssohn
If I Were A Bride…
Sudden thoughts of matrimony which are flooding my swinging single fickle mind:
1) I have the urge to make a hip hop music video for my wedding.
2) I roughly know who I am going to marry and am ashamed to admit that… I’m sad it isn’t Captain Jack Sparrow.
3) I suddenly keep having thoughts regarding marital concerns. Small trivial worries. Like I am worried about how my husband will not be able to tolerate my incessant buying of books of which I HAVE to pile up into a stack by my bedside otherwise I will not be able to fall asleep. I am worried about how my husband will not use nice smelling deodorant. I am worried I will end up wearing all his shirts (because we are almost the same size) and he will open up his side of the closet and go hey where have all my clothes gone.
I want His and Her sinks. For the record.
4) I used to want to wear a short dress for the wedding ceremony but now a bad ass gown doesn’t seem all that bad.
5) I would like to get married in June or July.
6) I would like to hold an engagement party on the beach and then get married in a museum or a really gorgeous library. NO HOTELS PLEASE. NO SWANKY MANSIONS.
7) I really hate a ten course dinner. I wouldn’t mind just a starter, a main and a dessert but well I guess that’s not celebratory enough. bleah. Maybe I should make it simple and have a buffet. Or like no food and just… ICE CREAM.
8) I really hate the whole idea of Putting Our Names Together. Like Welcome to the wedding of
HIS NAME AND MY NAME
That is so cheesy. I feel like it just popped out from a screwy internet love generator which attempts to calculate how much we love each other by the number of consonants in our names. Bollocks.
9) I really would like to shop for a wedding dress. Vera Wang. Oscar De La Renta. THE DRESS. UPS THE ANTE. BITCHAZZZ.
10) In all honestly… I think I don’t mind the idea of settling down early.
I’m tired of running around free as the wind. I’m tired of redundant assholes taking up my space and trying to flatter me with empty compliments. Or trying to put me down like they have the right to name the price on my head. I would like to be protected. I would like to be allowed to break down and cry in front of the person who accepts me entirely for who i am without expecting me to change. So I will confess, I’m tired. I fool around and joke like there’s nothing serious in the world but really, I think if I have to be tied down to you for the rest of my life I sure as hell wouldn’t mind.
Or maybe we don’t even need a ceremony. I am a fuss free person. Let us sneak down to a forsaken church wherein a shady priest with a tribal tattoo on his bicep will conduct our little illicit affair. Getting married to me - how much more dangerous can anything be? But I know you’re up to it.
One day I will be so brave I will tell you all about my dreams. I am so tired and you do, help sustain me. You really do.
WRITE YOUR STUPID
It has been a shitty two weeks. Vent frustrations out on people for no reason? Go clubbing like a bitch in heat and have casual sex every day of the week? Find a friend with benefits? Watch porn? Go mindless shopping? Work out like a fiend on steroids?
SORRY NOT FOR ME. they all sound interesting, engaging and stimulating but no. I didn’t want my tumblr to be all personal like and angsty but you know what, I figure I sound pretty diabolically stupid when I am writing angry and writing stupid. so I shall
WRITE MY STUPID. I am so fucking pissed at how dense I can get.
The List of Blur Things I have incurred that have been funny albeit EXCRUCIATINGLY PAINFUL AND EMBARRASSING:
1) Proposed to my primary five English teacher with a stapler just to complete a dare. In fact, proposing to so many of my teachers with a stapler/plastic flower just so I could complete dares
2) I remember I had a crush on a pair of twins when I was nine. They were girls (BI VIBES BI VIBES BI VIBES) and i wrote a love letter to both of them and at the end of the day both of them came to ask me if i wrote the letter and i said no. I went home feeling like a total reject. Chickening out from a pair of cute twin girls. Not cool.
3) Having two ah lians stalk me when I was fifteen with that stupid blonde butch haircut in cineleisure. I walked into Diva, with them right beside me and then one of them tapped me on the shoulder and asked for my number and I flung the Diva hairband I was holding in my hands onto the floor and ran out of the store like my ass was on fire.
4) Chickening out from girl suitors. Not cool. It doesn’t help that I am a heterosexual woman stuck with a brain of a gawky adolescent boy. Seriously. don’t question the irony of this shit - this disorder has plagued me all my life.
I call it the; Lacking-Of-Serious-Estrogen-Retardation disorder or in short, LOSER.
5) When I was thirteen, I was a mouthy little brat. so once my really good friend was gushing to me at the water cooler about her latest crush and about how pretty she was and all (yes lesbian school go ahead and judge sex addicts.) and I was teasing her and getting all dramatic and putting up a show which looked like me dry humping the air when suddenly she gets all red and asks me to shut up. and I don’t. I continue horsing around like a rabbit on LSD and She is filling her water bottle in UTTER SILENCE. LIKE SERIOUS. DEAD. SILENCE. and this should have given me reason to shut up but i still did not. so anyway. she finally finished filling her stupid bottle of water and she is dragging me away with the force of a Viking and I’m like “whatsdamatter can’t take a joke?” with that dopey grin of mine and she goes, “MY CRUSH WAS BEHIND US IN THE QUEUE JUST NOW SHE SAW YOUR WHOLE SICKO PERFORMANCE IDIOT.”
suffice to say, we didn’t stay friends after our thirteenth year together.
6) This particular instance has happened to me so many times I cannot even pin down specific names and who’s who. So I shall just be clear and describe the scenario. When I am taking public transport, or when I am out on the streets shopping or doing touristy shit like walking around with earphones and humming softly to myself, someone I know will always turn up. and call my name. multiple times. AND I WILL NOT EVEN BE AWARE.
it has gotten so bad that there were times THEY WERE STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT. OF MY MOFO FACE. AND I STILL HAD NO IDEA THEY WERE PEOPLE I KNEW. OR THAT THEY MIGHT HAVE BEEN TRYNA ACKNOWLEDGE ME FOR THE PAST TWO HOURS.
it usually ends with me profusely apologizing with the complexion of a squashed tomato.
7) Stupid is as stupid does so since I have come this far why not just really go all out and air my imbecilic tendencies. I am SO. BAD. with technology. It is so bad that it is hilarious, to my close friends, but with strangers I just look like a complete dork. I only learned how to take a screen shot this year. I have no idea as to how to download movies online. I suck at emails, don’t even own a Facebook page (though i did have Friendster for awhile but it was maintained by someone else.) and the only redeeming factor of this whole shebang is Tumblr. Thank you beautiful indie blog universe because now… I have the chance to be kewl. On the World Wide Web. Sort of.
I am so bad with technology I even loathe taking pictures on a camera.
8) People exchanging pleasantries with me always find me amusing somehow. Such people are usually a) Receptionists.
Receptionists are bored, most of the time. I would like them to be amused, but I find that me being the source of entertainment is highly uncalled for. Really. Anyway, women receptionists always like to quiz me about whether or not I am pregnant or homosexual. I honestly do not know why. I answer with such a nervous jittery tone it is hard to take me seriously. so I always end up as a laughing stock somehow. anyhow, moving on.
b) Store Clerks. mostly male. this is because when I am trying on clothes or shoes, I tend to stare into space when I am pondering whether or not I should get the article of clothing. so sometimes, they probably think I am checking them out. I have had ten store clerks come up to me and ask me if i would like their number. five of them complemented that line with an unsightly wink. ugh.
c) Doctors. Doctors love to ask me nonsensical miscellaneous questions. Have you been eating too much? Where did you buy your pajamas from? Are you pregnant (yeah this again)?
Or. They make random statements. Your hair… it’s blinding me! You look like you want to bash someone’s guts in. Your teeth are the prettiest part of your face. Your eyes are so huge I think they might actually be bulging out of their sockets.
Word. Ok I do have huge eyes I’ll admit but whatever.
d) Boys in the FNB industry. Delivery boys, waiters, cooks, bartenders, hawker boys, fast food cashiers… you name it. They are so crude, yet sometimes so pleasantly charming, I gotta hand it to them. They know how to get your tongue twisted. Or maybe just mine.
Here is a simple demonstration of what usually happens.
Me: Hey can I have an extra packet/plate of chilli please? (because I eat everything extra spicy.)
Them: Okay but you gotta pay.
Me: Yeah okay… -reaches out for wallet- Wait. -realizes something is wrong- Erm. -slight pause- Are you sure I have to….pay?
Them: Yeah.
Me: oh -befuddled look- ok. how much?
Them: -suddenly breaking out into laughter/nudging of their peers/wolf whistling or what not-
It isn’t funny. especially not to me. I usually just walk away without the chilli.
9) One habit I cannot help is that i blush VERY VERY VERY easily. I had a really hot dance instructor once. Every single time he so much as came within half a metre of me… I blushed like crazy. When I was dating in my teenage years, most of the boys asked me “hey are you alright? you’re kinda red…” and of course that didnt help matters at all. I blush so easily that even if the situation might have been normal and cordial it turns out as awkward and funnily humiliating.
10) I always say the wrong things at the wrong times. Especially in movie cinemas when suddenly everyone gets quiet somehow I choose that moment to speak. Or in a queue. Or at a bus stop and my aunt suddenly calls me to torment me about my flaws and I go SHUT UP WILLYA and everyone suddenly turns to look at me and I realize I am speaking too ridiculously loud.
I always. Say. The wrong things. At the wrong times. Period. This such a broad range to cover I simply must conclude it as such to avoid further disparagement in my lack of human sensitivity.
I Would Like To Be An Eskimo
I would like to be an eskimo so that I can simply -
1) Freeze to death when I feel like it
2) Not bother about my ice-cream and chocolates melting
3) Fish all day
4) Wear Snoop Doggy Dogg like fur hoodies all day
5) Melt my husband’s (who hunts elephant seals, penguins and polar bears for meat and clothes) frozen dick in my mouth as and when i like and pretend that it’s an ice lolly
6) Frolic with the elephant seals, penguins and polar bears my fierce warrior husband kills all day long
7) Build an igloo
8) Perhaps construct a Igloo Interior Designing magazine. Ikea for perpetual winters
9) Fucking hell LABOUR IN THE SNOW. cmon how cool would that be
10) Hobbies? Snowball fights. Sledding. Skinny Dipping…. Nah bad idea maybe not
(And as I mentioned before… frozen ice lolly BJs. Ice Ice Baby.)
Angus & Julia Stone - Paper Aeroplane (Live)
Source: saddest-summer
Source: batgimp
I Hath Been Birthed into Thist Unruly Millenium
I think I have been born in the wrong era. I should have been raised in the time where there were no bras. Where women were practically suffocated in their corsets with ostrich feathers stuck on their fancy hats. I could deal with wearing hats on a regular basis. And sipping tea. Eating scones with only two of my fingers.
When someone wants to marry me all he will need to do is pen a love note with about four stanzas of flattering poetry. Dowry? Cats I suppose. Or pigeons. Some form of domestic pet. see things were so simple back then. Bored? Shakespeare… Duh. Can’t go wrong can you?
What else. No hospitals means no IV drips, no x-rays and mammograms, no ugly green cloaks they make you drape on yourselves, and best of all no stethoscopes and tongue depressors. ugh. If you die you die of bubonic plague and rats feed off your corpse near the drains so guess what? NO SAPPY FUNERALS AND CRAP EULOGIES. No overly flamboyant flower wreaths of condolences.
As I said… I think I have been born in the wrong era.
The worst person to be friends with - will constantly bash you up and steal your food
