Time for Mendelssohn

If I Were A Bride…

Sudden thoughts of matrimony which are flooding my swinging single fickle mind:

1) I have the urge to make a hip hop music video for my wedding. 

2) I roughly know who I am going to marry and am ashamed to admit that… I’m sad it isn’t Captain Jack Sparrow. 

3) I suddenly keep having thoughts regarding marital concerns. Small trivial worries. Like I am worried about how my husband will not be able to tolerate my incessant buying of books of which I HAVE to pile up into a stack by my bedside otherwise I will not be able to fall asleep. I am worried about how my husband will not use nice smelling deodorant. I am worried I will end up wearing all his shirts (because we are almost the same size) and he will open up his side of the closet and go hey where have all my clothes gone. 

I want His and Her sinks. For the record. 

4) I used to want to wear a short dress for the wedding ceremony but now a bad ass gown doesn’t seem all that bad.

5) I would like to get married in June or July.

6) I would like to hold an engagement party on the beach and then get married in a museum or a really gorgeous library. NO HOTELS PLEASE. NO SWANKY MANSIONS. 

7) I really hate a ten course dinner. I wouldn’t mind just a starter, a main and a dessert but well I guess that’s not celebratory enough. bleah. Maybe I should make it simple and have a buffet. Or like no food and just… ICE CREAM. 

8) I really hate the whole idea of Putting Our Names Together. Like Welcome to the wedding of 

HIS NAME AND MY NAME 

That is so cheesy. I feel like it just popped out from a screwy internet love generator which attempts to calculate how much we love each other by the number of consonants in our names. Bollocks.

9) I really would like to shop for a wedding dress. Vera Wang. Oscar De La Renta. THE DRESS. UPS THE ANTE. BITCHAZZZ.

10) In all honestly… I think I don’t mind the idea of settling down early.

I’m tired of running around free as the wind. I’m tired of redundant assholes taking up my space and trying to flatter me with empty compliments. Or trying to put me down like they have the right to name the price on my head. I would like to be protected. I would like to be allowed to break down and cry in front of the person who accepts me entirely for who i am without expecting me to change. So I will confess, I’m tired. I fool around and joke like there’s nothing serious in the world but really, I think if I have to be tied down to you for the rest of my life I sure as hell wouldn’t mind. 

Or maybe we don’t even need a ceremony. I am a fuss free person. Let us sneak down to a forsaken church wherein a shady priest with a tribal tattoo on his bicep will conduct our little illicit affair. Getting married to me - how much more dangerous can anything be? But I know you’re up to it. 

One day I will be so brave I will tell you all about my dreams. I am so tired and you do, help sustain me. You really do.